Starting in the late 1960s Dr. Walter Mischel began studying self control by asking young people, four and five year olds, to sit in a room with one marshmallow. The staff gave simple instructions. You can eat the marshmallow now, or you can wait until we come back. If you wait, you'll get two marshmallows. Self control, self regulation, delayed gratification. The famous marshmallow test. As you can imagine, the children separated into two groups, the long delayers and the short delayers. Or you can call 'em the quick eaters. Close your eyes and imagine what self control might look like in a four year old facing that soft and cuddly marshmallow. I first figured they'd be sitting stoically. Wise beyond their years. Concentrating and waiting. Mind crushing mind. I will not eat that marshmallow. I will not eat that marshmallow. I will not eat that marshmallow. Mm, this marshmallow is yummy. [LAUGH] You can see loads of this footage yourself on Youtube. Mm, but, spoiler alert here. I'm giving the ending away. The long delayers pretended their arms were ears of corn. They played with their pigtails, they turned their backs on the marshmallows. In other words they distracted themselves from the temptation. Or as psychologist like Dr. Mischel call it, they were able to psychologically distance themselves. Dr. Mischel, then followed up with both sets of four and five year olds over the course of the next 40 plus years to see how their ability to delay gratification, as a kid, correlated with life outcomes. Here's Dr. Mischel. >> The brain has two very closely interacting systems, one of which we call the hot system, which is the Limbic system essentially which is the lower more primitive brain that we share with other mammals that are closest to us. >> Yeah. >> The activity of the limbic system is essentially the hot thing that evolution gave us, which is hugely protective when you're living in the wild. That is it doesn't care about the future. It's not meant to deal with the future, it's meant to deal with the here and now, with what's coming at you, you know, in the savannah. Now. What we've got is a, a cool system which is in the prefrontal cortex and we have the ability to do things like control our attention, use our imagination solve problems inhibit impulses inhibit responses. So I'm using my prefrontal cortex basically to fight and inhibit what my hot system is trying to reflexively do. Which is to get me to eat the thing. >> Right. >> You have to distance yourself from the temptation and heat for yourself, in your head. Okay. The delayed outcome. The goal in trying to get people to focus on a delayed thing and to go for it and give up an immediate thing that would interfere with it, is to have the immediate thing transformed or cooled in a way. That takes its, its pizzazz out of it. That takes its power out of it. And that in, instead, makes the delayed thing hot. >> And so how do you cool, the imm, how do you cool the immediate? >> The immediate hot temptations are there, in your face, and it takes over unless you have something that prepares you. To not let it take over. Now, one of those things is called a plan particularly an if-then implementation plan. There's a lot of work to show that these very, very simple if-then implementation plans can work wonders not only with adults, but with very young children. They love it, first of all. I mean we, we have lots of studies. When in which we create temptations that distract them from work. And arm them ahead of time with if-then implementation plans so that they know what to do when the distraction comes. And, it works beautifully. And they feel great because I did it. >> Other than self control. What would you say you know, all kids need to learn? >> You need a burning goal. you, you need to have a driving motivation. It's one thing to, to have, executive skills but the skillset While vital, is insufficient unless unless the, unless it's lit up. That is, it gives you the engine, but you need the fuel. I think kids come into the world motivated for mastery. They come into the world curious. The problem is that there are two kinds of conditions that can really undo that. and, and one of the conditions that can undo it is if you grow up in an atmosphere of toxic stress. Because what toxic stress does is it really wrecks the, the cool system and has the hot system going all the time. The other one is when there's no reason to have goals or motivations because everything is being done for you. Everything is being over-controlled. Everything is being monitored. Everything is being, you know, so you really are rendered helpless because the baby-sitters or the tutors or the whatever have taken over your life. And you know, you're being conveyed from you know, activity to activity. You're, you're not a voice in even in making your own schedule. So I, one can easily point to, the situations in which even under conditions of very high affluence for example, the kid feels that there is no particular, goal or role to have. >> What's the ideal age for teaching self control to children? >> Yeah. That's a good question. I think the ideal age is from zero to five, six. And the three, four, five is particularly important. I think that the discoveries about brain plasticity are so exciting and so important, that it is very important to realize it doesn't stop there. It's just harder. That because you're then finding a bad history, you know. But it's not that they're not capable of changing and learning. They are. >> Did any of the short waiters reverse course? >> Yes, I mean absolutely. The I still remember this little girl by the name of Lydia, five years old. Left her with the things. Within 30 seconds, she rang the bell. Then you come back in the room and say you know, if you want to when you want it, you can make believe it's just a picture, I mean you know what a picture is. She says, yeah, it's something with a frame around it. Yes, you can just put a frame around it in your head, and she waited fifteen minutes. And when I came back and asked her how did you do that, she said well, you can't eat a picture. It's very easy to get a reversal experimentally. The hard part is the translation into something that will be self-generated and self done. And the route to me, is the if-then implementation plan. If this happens, then I'm going to do this. If that happens, then I'm going to do that, okay. In order to have this happen, I'm going to do this. >> Would love to have you watch this and just see if they're examples here of when we may flag for teachers. This is, if you hear a kid saying this, this is where their hot system is really going. Here's an example where a cool system. So teachers can start to hear the language of a real kid. >> My name is Essence and I'm eight years old. And I've been, I've been having a little bit of time when in my behavior like sometimes when I get upset, I might break out, out of the classroom. But sometimes I just need to have a breathe so I can just like take a walk with my teacher or something. And then maybe I'll feel a little bit better. It felt a little bit like I was getting a little bit angry, because sometimes I just can't control myself when I get mad. Like if I get a answer wrong, and I, and I try it again and then I get it right. Then that feels awesome because you try it again, and then you, you know what you have to put. >> So that's a, very nice example, I think, of her asking for a chance to see what the consequences are. If I, you know if I get it wrong, I try again. If I get it if I get it right this time that feels very good, this is very good for me, this is nice, this feels good. And she knows that she gets angry, that she has a problem then she gets angry. She's not quite sure what it is that's triggering that. But, you know, she sort of gets in trouble or something, but I think she's ver, so far the little bit of it we've heard, she's very unclear about what is it that gets the trouble. And then she's giving us an encouraging instance of something that felt good. And what felt good was having a chance to do a problem over again and getting it right. Because that feels great to get it right. So. >> And this is particularly where the if-then statements come in because you would want to really get her to understand what makes her angry and what she does in those situations. >> Exactly. You, you would want in, in terms of the language of a hot and a hot, and, and a cool system. What we would want to do is find out what does she, recognize as her hot spots? You know what are the triggers for her, that make her feel, you know, what, angry. And what are the events, what are, what are the thens that she can do in a relationship to if that can make them feel good. So she's really giving us a very helpful hint already. Which is saying you know, give me a change to get, to get something right. So I can feel good. Then I won't be angry. >> Let's see what end of the clip says. >> My goal in, really in school is trying to, trying to behave a little bit more so then when I go to the third grade, they won't be able to kick me out of school. Like, because in third grade they, they won't tolerate misbehavioring. Really getting along with other kids because I'm, sometimes I just can't control myself, sometimes I take it out on other people. And I have to understand that it's my problem not theirs. We, me and my mom and her like sometimes they have teacher parent conference. So we talk about what I have to do and how I'm going to fix these problems, and how I'm going to do things right, and how I'm going to get privileges. So yesterday I went to lunch with Miss Freeman because I got to be good. >> Yeah, that's nice. That's a happy moment to see her smile. Yeah. I did see her smile. And again >> And that's the first real smile we got. >> Yeah, yeah. It goes back to your if-then. Right she, it's just not quite clear. >> It's quite unclear. >> Right. >> It's still quite unclear and one would have to you know if, if one one would want to actually set up very concrete situations, and have her be the one who says, yeah, that's that, and that's not that. But where one would work with her and to design. You know, what are the ifs that get you angry and choked up, and what are the ifs that make you feel good? >> And then what. >> Let's get a list, you know, and let's actually try 'em, and let's make Make sure we have 'em right by doing role play and and, you know, this is a child that I think within a reasonably short time could actually learn to do reverse roles. That is where she could be the one who's saying this the, does, and this doesn't, and so on. I mean, she, she looks like someone who is, as I say was a very good prognosis for being helped. >> Yeah. >> Even though she's eight. It would be nice if we were working with her when she was four. >> Yeah. Yeah. Walter, thank you. >> You're welcome.
