2.8 "The One" Myth

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來自 University of Toronto 的課程

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

93 個評分

University of Toronto

The Arts and Science of Relationships: Understanding Human Needs

93 個評分

This course provides an introduction to: 1. Basic concepts of The Strategies and Skills Learning and Development System (SSLD), their relevance for every day relationships and provide advanced concepts for participants who work in fields of social work and health care . 2. Basic practice principles and methods of SSLD, illustrated by relationship management case studies. 3. The SSLD framework for relationship management assessment; N3C (needs, circumstances, characteristics, capacity) and problem translation. 4. Core competencies in the relationship management application of the SSLD system: Observation learning, simulation, real life implementation, review and monitoring.

從本節課中

Module 2 - Getting Started

SSLD conceptualization of relationship: Addressing participants’ needs as key condition of possibility. This module will discuss the social exchange theory, life-scripts, managing differences, and responsive assertiveness

2.6 Natural Imagination4:43

2.7 Game Plan & Human Nature2:52

2.8 "The One" Myth4:31

2.9 How much is up to us?2:29

2.10 Mind Reading Fantasy2:30

與講師見面

A. Ka Tat Tsang
Founder of the SSLD System; Professor and Factor-Inwentash Chair in Social Work in the Global Community
Factor-Inwentash Faculty of Social Work

So this natural imagination concept is one of those assumptions that we

really need to watch out for.

Are there other common assumptions that we should be mindful of?

>> Yeah, the other one that I would like to point out is what

I sometimes refer to as “The One” myth.

So, we always feel that there is one person out there for each one of us.

And when we are trying to build relationship,

we are going to attract that one person.

And we want to be developing a relationship with that one person.

I think it works well for people who are really into

a monogamous, lifelong relationship kind of script, right?

But then, my sense is that for most people now, in an increasingly

globalized environment, you'd probably would have come across more than one

person in your lifetime that you would be building an intimate relationship with.

And it is not uncommon in our lives to see people who

are simultaneously attracted to more than one person.

Obviously, I do not want to be making any moral judgement or

decision for people, and if that is your chosen script, that is fine.

But I would invite you to at least reflect on it's like why do I choose this?

Is it the only possible arrangement?

I obviously would argue no, right?

But then the thing is when you have that

you think there is one person who's almost destined to be your partner and

then you try to find this person.

Chances are you will be missing out and

not paying adequate attention to what you really need, who you really are.

And like back in the SSLD language system, we'd be talking about how about your own

N3Cs and as matching with this other person's N3Cs.

The other thing, of course, is people change.

And then as you go through life together, you may both be growing and

developing and become a better person but you just become better persons who are different.

And less compatible, right?

Then, you may then have to renegotiate the relationship and go through what we

call a transformation phase, which is not always a bad thing.

So this is the assumption that we want people to, at least, reexamine.

We don't have to give up this, but

I think you would be better served if you have gone through the thinking and

given yourself the reason that this is why I've chosen this, right?

>> Yeah, I mean I can definitely imagine some

people who follow that one myth really get stuck, right?

I mean if they lose that person that they always identified as that one person for

them, then maybe they're not opening themselves up to new experiences later on.

Or kind of, really, having a more negative outlook on the world, right?

>> Yeah, but then you know society is also, at least mainstream,

North American society, is sort of organized around this idea.

So people have very strong opinions on behaviours that they consider, like

say cheating.

People think that wow, you're in one relationship and you feel attracted to another person, it's sort of

an ethically problematic thing to do

and to experience and

I just want to point out that well first of all it happens all the time.

And then the other thing is that people do change and

then when you feel that you are attracted to another person,

you may actually be discovering something inside of yourself.

And you may also be discovering some un-met needs you might have.

And you just have to be honest and deal with it.

And I'm not saying that every time you see someone attractive you should

give up your existing relationship and pursue another one.

But I think being honest and being aware would be very important.

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